The Married and Singles Series – The Successful Single Waiting on God Part 2

Beautiful African American woman

 

As you go through the preparation season, before God gifts you with the desire of your heart to enter into a loving and fulfilling marriage, let’s consider some things. This is the stage where you’re to examine and be brutally honest with yourself. It’s a time when welcoming and cooperating with the Holy Spirit, as He renews your mind, is essential. Surrendering and allowing Him to have His way will only help you to become more Christ like and to be stellar as a wife.

Marriage is something that should not be entered into lightly. Sometimes your mind can also be clouded. In this case, it’s best to hold off on making long-term decisions about committing your life to someone until you’re thinking clearly and have sought the wisdom from Him and the family/friends He’s placed in your life before you met your mate.

Making a permanent decision based on temporary circumstance does not come from the Lord and there are many that marry for the wrong reasons. Some feel they’re getting old, want to have children before it’s too late, feel they may not have another opportunity like this, familiarity, loneliness, comfort, sex, or for financial reasons. Don’t get caught up and settle for any of these reasons because the devil is a lie. You want to marry who you’re supposed to marry and if that person is not around yet, you’ll have to wait patiently. You must consider their past, present, and the future you two will have—it’s not just the here and now. The divorce rates are high because the costs are not always calculated in advance. Even when couples counsel, you don’t want to be the only one ever thinking about those sessions when the dust settles.

For instance money problems are a huge reason why couples end up fighting or calling it quits. There’s often one that manages money very well while the other does not. This is something you can see while courting. If you don’t, it’s because you’re not asking the right questions. In time God will show you how they handle their finances, because this strength or weakness will show. You will know if they’re tithing (giving), paying child support, paying their mortgage/rent, and meeting obligations. You’ll also know if they file tax returns, have student loan debt, a savings account, or retirement plan.

Having debt does not mean you walk away. But, you will have to take all into account and the circumstances that caused them to get behind (divorce, job loss, business start-up, investments, unexpected repairs, school, illness etc.) If they reveal habits from several years prior that indicate a pattern of financial instability, this is a red flag because anyone submitted to God wholly will submit their finances to Him too. However, if their honest and working towards getting things in a better position it will create trust between you two and you can decide if this is something you want to help with. Proverbs 12:15 says, The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. You may be more educated in that area or vice versa and can get over that hump but you must definitely take this to the Lord in prayer.

In my twenties, I briefly dated a nice looking guy with a luxury vehicle and a decent paying job. On our dates he’d take me to three to four different places in one night and we’d drive all around the city. We’d go one place for dinner, another for dessert, and somewhere to hear music and eat again etc. It was exciting until he invited me to his place weeks later. Not only was he dead broke, behind on major bills, didn’t have basic things needed for a home, and no furniture (nor no plans to get any), his priorities were way out of whack.

So don’t accept someone’s poor habits just because you want to be married. You’ll be paying for them long into the marriage and after the divorce.

It’s true that you can never plan for everything. Especially when you take the life you both lived individually and merge it into one household. There will be many habits and things you won’t see until you share a home. Plus, a marriage is full of twists and turns and they are unique to that couple. There is no one size fits all and everything isn’t black and white. The key is to minimize the blows by preparing for what you can in advance, seek God’s Word and pray daily for His covering. Don’t seek His way and then turn in the opposite direction. Stay on His path.

As you are submitted to the Holy Spirit, praying, and reading the Word, you’re in a better position to hear from God, and here are some things that you should look out for.

  • How does this person make decisions? Do they make them suddenly based off of emotions, or do they pray over them first and wait to hear from God? Proverbs 2:6 says, For theLord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.
  • Do they include or ask your opinion about serious issues or things that concern them? Colossians 3:16 says, Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. In other words you’re to help and encourage each other.
  • Do they consult the bible to get understanding about things or do they just quote churchy phrases, song lyrics, popular terms, or their pastors words? John 1:1 says, In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. You find God’s thoughts in His infallible Word.
  • Do they take care of the material things God has blessed them with such as their home, vehicle, clothing, and furnishings? Luke 16:10 says, He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.
  • Do they take care of their physical body and personal appearance through exercise, eating nourishing foods, keeping their hair styled/cut etc.? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
  • Do they have a relationship with their parents? Exodus 20:12 says, Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
  • Do they have a job, goals, hobbies, or other interest? Proverbs 19:15 says, Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep; and an idle soul shall suffer hunger.

If you desire to be a future helpmeet you want to care for someone long-term that cares about God, himself, you, and the things God entrust him with. There will be enough things that require your energy and I doubt that complaining about things God showed you prior will get you off the hook. True you cannot change a person, but you certainly can use your gift of God given womanly influence to set the tone during the courtship. Once you say I do, the tables turn because you’re to submit to your husband. Though you will have influence, your voice speaks louder when the man is in pursuit of you. Once he has you, be prepared for a new phase of building.

 

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